HSN: Prioritizing Your Marriage by Melissa Michalek

I remember in the first year of our marriage, our refrigerator door was bare except for a
dry erase board where every morning my husband wrote me a love note. Just a few
years later it included potty training charts, finger paintings and ABC
magnets. In that same time my task list went from a little post-it note to a
notebook page. In recent years, that same task list is now the prominent
paperwork on the fridge door and tablet. Drawings get neatly tucked away, and
love letters are few. That place for cherished things is now focused on what
needs to get done. If it wasn’t for the food inside, I swear they’d avoid that
area. While the “to do’s” of chores, schoolwork, yard work, and phone calls are
important, I’ve somehow made them a prominent point of my life. What does that
say to my family about where my focus is? What does it show of what we have
accomplished? Where do we then share our love notes?

The list of
priorities in most Catholic and faith-filled families is “First God, then
Spouse, then Children and Family, then Others, then Self.”  While my task list is filled with great
objectives, it is missing these categories all together! Perhaps we, who
cherish our task lists on our fridge or on our electronic devices, should come
up with a new way of prioritizing our tasks. 
It might look a little like this:

What I need to accomplish today

1. Spend time with God.

2. Love my Spouse by:

3. Enjoy my children as we:

4. How can I connect with others?

5. Taking care of myself.

6. This needs to get done too:

I have a
lot of self help books. After looking on my shelves there are plenty books
about my faith, being a mother, about children, health, and homeschooling. Yet,
there are only two books about being a good spouse. Somewhere along the line I
forgot to add my marriage to my task list. When we become busy people and
parents, we often forget to schedule in time with each other. That can leave
you feeling as if you have a roommate more than a spouse.  When you take care of your car with regular
oil changes, washes, waxes, adding gas, vacuuming, etc it will last longer,
wear out less, get better mileage, and you are proud to be seen in it. Others
see your car and notice your care of it. When one person in our neighborhood
washes their car or mows their lawn, it’s like a chain reaction of all other
neighbors doing the same. The same can happen with our marriages. As we nurture
it with regular care and tune ups where needed, it will last longer, wear out
less, get better mileage, you will be proud to be together, and others will be
inspired to nurture their own marriages.

Those two
books I have about marriage are great resources. They helped us realize that in
order to have a better relationship, you can’t focus on changing the other
person or be waiting for them to do something – you instead need to first
change how you approach your spouse, take time to learn about him/her, and make
the first move. Learn what is their love language (how they love and want to be
loved), as well as what ways can you best show your love.

• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick

So when I
put together my new task list, what
might it include for loving my spouse?

Prioritizing your marriage by adding it to your task list, calendar and
heart will eventually become part of a regular maintenance plan. Coming up with
ideas together and writing them down will show your spouse that to you they are
important and cherished. Checking off those tasks will have a whole new level
of joy and appreciation. If the list is getting too long, perhaps some projects
could be moved to a separate “It can wait” list to make room for what matters
now. You should never be too busy for the real priorities in life.

Prayers for your marriage,

Melissa Michalek

My Catholic
life is filled with the joys of marriage (11 years), motherhood (6 children)
and other relationships. I spend my time homeschooling (7 years), crafting,
visiting, volunteering and blogging like many women I know. While I love to
share about the fun things we accomplished with our children at my Homegrown Catholics blog, and write about all the neat things
I’ve sewn and crafted at my Modest
Mommies blog, I found it necessary to author my Growing in Grace blog to share the experiences of the tough days
and tough decisions that come along with being a twenty-first century, Catholic
wife and mother.  I hope you come visit
my blogs for inspiration and opportunities to share your thoughts and ideas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Return to Hot Summer Nights