HSN: Cheap Dates for Cheapskates by Susan Vogt

“Cheap” usually has a negative connotation of being a
Scrooge or a penny-pincher or buying something of low quality. I prefer to
think of myself as frugal or thrifty. When it comes to building a strong
marriage, however, creativity is more important than cost. Regularity is more
life-giving than one time extravaganzas. It is in this spirit that I share with
you a custom that my husband and I have been faithful to for about 30 years –
our weekly date.

It all started when we had three young children and moved to
a new city. Our lives were in upheaval with so many changes yet we knew that
unless our marriage was strong, we’d have a much harder time nurturing our
children and giving of ourselves to others. Our love is our foundation, but it
could too easily be swamped with setting up a household, job demands, and all
the daily stresses of an active life. We decided to save one night a week just
for us.

First a note about our strategy. We knew that in order for
this to work, we had to make it a priority and not give way to the human
temptation to say, “Well, this weekend we have a lot coming up, let’s just skip
it this week and bump it to next week. We decided to pencil Fridays into our
respective calendars as our default date night for the whole year. Of course,
life happens and not every Friday was free. Our answer to this inevitability
was to agree we could switch any given Friday to another night that week, but
not omit it. With rare exceptions this worked.

The next potential obstacle was that we had little
discretionary money. Necessity prompted us to look for inexpensive ways to have
fun and nurture our relationship. The traditional movie date could become too
routine over time plus the price of pop and popcorn these days…(Did I say I was
cheap?) Besides, movies get us sitting next to each other but not looking at each other, and routine can dull
ardor. Going to dinner and a play is classic and would be a nice treat, but not
something we could afford on a frequent basis.

Then of course there were our cherished and omni-present
kids. As much as we love them, we needed adult couple time. We made it a top
priority to recruit a cadre of reliable babysitters. We asked friends for
recommendations and watched for responsible teens who weren’t hunks or gorgeous
but did have siblings. Getting a sitter, however, can be a burden so we
alternated who was responsible for scheduling the sitter each week.

Getting a break from kids is a stress release in itself but
not all dates have to involve leaving home. We sometimes didn’t have the energy
or money for a night out plus a sitter. Thus, the concept of having “home
dates” was born. The goal was to be able to stay up significantly later than
the kids. To do this we would sometimes give each other nap time during the
evening so that we wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of an intimate
conversation. We might then have a late dinner by candlelight or sit by a
roaring fire. (Substitute a lot of lit candles if you don’t have a fireplace.)
Playing a game for two or sharing on an imaginative topic might round out the
evening.

Once the logistics of saving the time and place and making
childcare arrangements is done, there’s still the challenge of what do we do
and who is going to plan it? Our solution was to alternate who planned the date
so that the burden didn’t always fall on the same spouse. This also often
provided the element of surprise. Even if watching a wrestling match isn’t my
idea of fun, the anticipation and humor of it was a gift. Besides, next week I
could decide that we would try our hands at origami.

Although our budget isn’t always this tight, following are
some free or inexpensive dates that we’ve tried:

Outside Dates:

2. Early
evening bike rides. If a bike trail is convenient it makes the riding more
pleasant and less work.

3. Twilight hikes in the woods with a good flashlight or a
nature guide.

Inside Dates:

4. Go window-shopping downtown or at one of the malls.

Home Dates:

3. Rent a classic, nostalgic video like Casablanca.