Marriage is a privilege, a gift from God that allows us to
reflect the love Christ has for the church.
reflect the love Christ has for the church.
In our culture oftentimes the most important part of getting
married is the wedding itself! Imagine if a vineyard owner spent all his time,
attention and money on setting up a great vineyard only to neglect the vines
after they’re in the ground? It would be foolish and a wasted investment.
Yet many marriages give more thought to the wedding than they do
to the marriage.
In Song of Solomon it says:
“Catch the foxes for us,
the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
for our vineyards are in blossom.”
(Song of Solomon
2:15 ESV)
2:15 ESV)
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| Artwork by Carl Brenders |
A fox doesn’t come and only eat the
fruit of the vine–they do much more damage. They like to gnaw on the trunk,
dig holes around it and expose the roots. They don’t simply eat the grapes,
they like to destroy the entire vine!
fruit of the vine–they do much more damage. They like to gnaw on the trunk,
dig holes around it and expose the roots. They don’t simply eat the grapes,
they like to destroy the entire vine!
So the question begs itself? What foxes are chewing on your
marriage vine?
Fox
#1: Unresolved conflict–this includes unforgiveness.
#1: Unresolved conflict–this includes unforgiveness.
Fox
#2: Uncharitable judgments–not thinking the best, but assuming the worst.
#2: Uncharitable judgments–not thinking the best, but assuming the worst.
Fox
#3: Neglect
#3: Neglect
Fox
#4: All work and no play
#4: All work and no play
Fox
#5: Idols of the heart–video games, shopping, children, addicted to work,
selfishness, pleasure, etc.
#5: Idols of the heart–video games, shopping, children, addicted to work,
selfishness, pleasure, etc.
Fox
#6: Lack of purpose
#6: Lack of purpose
All of the above can cause lasting damage to the marriage if they
aren’t caught and dealt with quickly. So how do we trap these little foxes? How
do we recognize them in our own marriage?
aren’t caught and dealt with quickly. So how do we trap these little foxes? How
do we recognize them in our own marriage?
We have found that the best way to assess the health of our
marriage is to examine how we’re relating to each other.
marriage is to examine how we’re relating to each other.
If
there is tension or short responses to each other then there is most likely an
unresolved conflict lurking around.
there is tension or short responses to each other then there is most likely an
unresolved conflict lurking around.
If
you are quick to judge your spouse’s motives as to why they did or didn’t do
something before asking them why, then there may be a fox of unforgiveness
chewing at your heart.
If
you have not been purposeful in setting aside time alone together either at
home, or on regular date nights, then you should look more closely for the fox
of neglect.
Maybe
you find your mind constantly going to your job, even when you’re “off”, and it
keeps you from being totally “there” for your spouse. You don’t look at them
when they speak and you only listen to them halfway. This could be the fox of
all work and no play.
you find your mind constantly going to your job, even when you’re “off”, and it
keeps you from being totally “there” for your spouse. You don’t look at them
when they speak and you only listen to them halfway. This could be the fox of
all work and no play.
The
fox of idols of the heart can be much more difficult to catch. This is because
our idols are the things that have not only caught our attention, but our
affection. To discover them we must examine where our thoughts go when we have
nothing else to think about? Or what do I want to do more than anything else
with my free time? Just because we desire to do something doesn’t necessarily
mean it’s an idol, but it could be. The only way to know for sure is to ask God
to help you discover this little fox. He will be faithful to help you see it.
The
last fox is lack of purpose. He loves to get us to fall asleep in the vineyard,
so he can work his damage on the vine. This is why we love this Hot SummerNights event. If it helps a husband or wife take notice of their marriage in a
fresh way, it will do more to chase away the little foxes than anything else
can. And it’s fun!
What foxes have you discovered today prowling about your marriage
vineyard? May we encourage you to do the work necessary to chase them away? If
you do, we believe the fruit produced in your vineyard will be not only good
today, but make for a great wine that others will enjoy for years to come.
vineyard? May we encourage you to do the work necessary to chase them away? If
you do, we believe the fruit produced in your vineyard will be not only good
today, but make for a great wine that others will enjoy for years to come.
A
successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same
person. – Mignon McLaughlin
successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same
person. – Mignon McLaughlin
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Tomand Debi Walter have been married for 34 years and have been involved in
marriage ministry for much of this time. In 2008 they began The Romantic
Vineyard in an effort to help build and strengthen marriages. They provide a
rich harvest of ideas to help your marriage vineyard grow strong for God’s
glory. They offer creative date night ideas, both at home or out on the town.
They even offer FREE iPhone app that provides a healthy marriage tip and great
date night questions to use when you don’t know what to talk about. You can download it on their blog, follow them on: Facebook, Twitter (@theromanticvine), or Pinterest.
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